The 7 Most Asked Questions of a Children’s Cancer Nurse

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(netdocktor.co.uk) – Every cancer diagnosis is difficult, but few things are more harrowing and frightening than hearing your child has cancer. It will come as a devastating blow to parents, siblings and other family members and you will likely have difficult emotions and unanswered questions. But there is help.

Helen Lythgoe is a Children’s Lead Macmillan Nurse who works within the community in Lincolnshire. Here she shares the seven most common questions parents ask when their child has cancer and offers her advice.

1. How do I tell my other children their brother/sister has cancer?

Your child may have already been told about their cancer by their doctor but deciding how to tell their siblings will be wrought with emotion.

“​Your child’s illness can have a huge impact on the whole family: you may see your other children less, they may have to stay with relatives and they may be upset that their brother or sister is in hospital or getting more attention. My advice is to be as honest as you can. The more information a child has, the easier it is for them to understand what’s going on.”

Don’t be scared to talk to your child about what’s happening and plan what you’re going to say beforehand, says Helen. It’s often more difficult for a parent because of all the emotion around the diagnosis, however, children are very matter-of-fact about things. Once they know what’s going on they’ll generally carry on as normal.

It is important to explain things in simple terms and in a way that shows what it means to them – for example why their brother or sister may get more attention or why their parents are spending a lot of time in hospital away from home. It’s often better to explain what’s happening bit by bit or when there is a change, as this helps to build up their understanding so it’s not so overwhelming.

“​There are many different terms that can be used to describe cancer such as: ‘tumour’, ‘cancer’, ‘leukaemia’ or ‘poorly blood’. This can often be confusing to children, therefore stick to one term you feel comfortable with. It is often better to use the word ‘cancer’ and be clear what it means, as children may hear the word cancer used in a different context and worry about it.”

2. How will I cope financially?

People don’t always think about the financial impact of cancer, and naturally it’s the last thing you want to think about.

“​Money worries are a huge issue for parents with a child who has cancer as they may have to give up work if their child is in hospital a lot or is too unwell to go to school. Often, employers give parents time off when the child first falls ill, perhaps as compassionate leave, not realising that they may need to be off work for months. For example, a child with leukaemia may need treatment for up to three years.”

If a parent is working, they may be eligible for flexible working so they can change their hours or work from home but still maintain their income. Helen advises parents to speak to their employer about this and look at the terms in their contract as some employers offer sick or compassionate leave if your child is ill.

“​I advise parents to get a sick note from their GP for stress as they may be entitled to sick pay and of course, a child’s cancer diagnosis would be stressful. By doing this, parents have time to sort out their practical needs, such as whether they need to give up work, cut down their hours or lean on family for support. In my role as a Macmillan nurse, I signpost people to get help from our Macmillan benefits advisors. One key benefit parents can get for their child is Disability Living Allowance.”

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