Are You Feeling Any of These Things?

Looking at this list of feelings that you may or may not have might be helpful in realizing others have been where you are now and have felt similarly. You might realize that you can feel good about many of the ways things have been going and how you are dealing with them.

Afraid…

of my child dying, being lonely or unhappy, being in pain; the future; my child feeling/being different from other kids; my child missing out on important parts of childhood; being shut out; not have the answers my child needs; not having the patience my child needs; of losing my faith; that my spouse and I won’t be able to communicate well during this crisis; that my marriage might not be strong enough to survive this crisis; that I might not be strong enough to survive this. You are not alone.

Angry…

that this is happening to my child/our family, at God/the world for letting this happen, that this is disrupting our family life, that this is disrupting my life, it is difficult for me/my spouse to work, family/friends aren’t helping as much as I wish they were, my employer isn’t being as flexible as I want, everything is so expensive at the hospital, we don’t have money to go where I want to take my child, my child is not getting all the care he/she needs.

Worried…

my child is not getting well, my other children are suffering and I can’t be there for them as much as I wish, this will cause physical harm to other family members, I will just run out of energy, about losing my job, how my child will react to being sick for so long, about my child losing a so much school, my other children are angry that I am missing important things in their lives.

Alone…

despite having many people around, I often feel alone with the pain of my child’s illness, my spouse and I really can’t talk about it yet, this is happening only to our family, I do not want to show my feelings; I do not feel I can talk to anyone about how I feel, no families around us have ever had to deal with something like this, my parents just get more worried if I talk to them and I worry for their health, when I do talk to friends they do not really understand how deep this goes, because I do not speak English well and do not feel I can even talk to other parents at the hospital very well, I do not know or trust the hospital staff yet.

Uncomfortable…

living in the hospital but feel I cannot complain as I need to be with my sick child; when I am away from the hospital, I worry about my child there; when I’m at the hospital, I worry about things at home and/or work.

Guilty…

somehow I gave this illness to my child, I did not take my child to the doctor sooner, I did not argue more with the doctor when he said it was just a cold, I did not feed my child organic food, sometimes thinking I just want to get away from all this, I sometimes snap at my child, I take out some of my frustration on the hospital staff, I get mad at my spouse for not doing things the way I would do them, my spouse and I seem to be fighting so much, I turn to having a drink when I am upset, I am a smoker and worry this contributed to my child getting cancer.

Grateful For…

good medical care available, good friends and family who have rallied around us, my child seems to be doing OK with treatment, science has led to possible cures for children with cancer, kindness of the medical staff (most of them!).

Are You Feeling Any of These Things? was last modified: November 19th, 2014 by Geoff Duncan

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